Howards Tale
by Vampire-hunting-angel
Summary: Harry is having nightmares but no one notices and he is getting weaker and weaker. WORNING contains mention of rape and abuse….. But Severus comes to the rescue


Explanation and warning:

I couldn't sleep and I was in a dark mood or something like loneliness depression I don't know I was in a weird mood and then this song came up that only deepened that weird state I was in. The song talks about a child getting raped and how it affected it, it didn't happen to me which I'm very glad for but I got this really bad feeling in my gut relating to the people that did have to experience something that horrible. I repeated the song because I felt like it would be wrong to start listening to a happy song like nothing happened. I repeated the song a few times and then pictures came up in my head and then scenes what it would be like and what the song was saying. I couldn't sleep so I decided to write down what my imagination came up with and the first person who could have experience this came up as Harry. I don't know why but I just thought it fitted. So there will be mention of rape and violence. I fully understand if you don't want to read about something like that so you can just leave but please don't leave any bad and mean comments.

* * *

Harry was sitting on his bed surrounded by darkness. All around him were his classmates sleeping in their beds but still he felt alone, not alone he felt lonely. His face got illuminated by soft light when he pushed the button on his mp3 player to start the same song again. It felt like the song was the only thing that knew what it felt like, what he felt like.

Harry had bought the mp3 player when he first saw it in one of the window displays. He fell in love with it. It was small four angular, black with a silver rim. It was simple and beautiful not like his life. Harry uploaded a lot of songs but only a few of them he listened to, the other were only there to disguise the ones he really listened to.

And again he pushed the button to make the song start over. Closing his eyes when the familiar tunes of guitar and drums started playing letting them spread through his body calming him.

Age 5, just a little boy shy  
Is he ready for the big surprise  
He'll be playing lego in a dream  
When the shadows come to life

Age 9 and he should've been fine  
With a secret he's sure to keep  
Two times had to tell a little lie  
For the sake of him and me

Now it's over  
I need closure

Hey, look what you did to me  
When you were taking me home  
Getting me stoned  
Leave me alone  
I waited for mom to comfort me  
But when I opened my mouth  
Don't say nothing, shhh

Age 12 and it isn't going well  
Now it's 3 years to the day  
Confused, but unlike you  
This feeling won't go away

16 and the woman down the street  
Has invited him to come inside  
The first time, it didn't feel right  
It'll be the last time he tries

Hey, look what you did to me  
When you were taking me home  
Getting me stoned  
Leave me alone  
I waited for mom to comfort me

But when I opened my mouth  
Don't say nothings wrong  
I won't say nothings wrong

I won't say, I won't say  
I won't say, I won't say  
I won't say, I won't say

17, all he's ever seen  
Is the living in between the lies  
It's kind of funny how a mind  
Can keep living in denial

18 is a very strange scene  
He's still playing with the past  
Expelled, maybe someone could've helped  
If someone had known to ask

Hey, look what you did to me  
When you were taking me home  
Getting me stoned  
Leave me alone  
I waited for mom to comfort me  
But when I opened my mouth  
Don't say nothing, shhh

19 and he's innocently  
Parked right beside a school  
He stares at a boy sitting there  
And the boy stares at him too  
He walks over  
He needs closure

Harry opened his eyes and the first noticing, he didn't recognize the song playing *must have fallen asleep without noticing*. He pulled out the headphones and turned off the mp3 player. He put it in a hidden compartment and muttered a charm that will recharge it while it was in there.

The first sun rays started to crawl through the window and lightened up the room. Harry decided to take a quick shower before it got crowded with everyone getting ready.

Harry was looking at himself in the mirror. His hair still wet falling into his eyes, underneath them dark circles and he felt like no muscle in his face wanted to work.

*get yourself together, no one needs a whining burden on their hands* he lightly slapped his face with both hands as to wake it up, then he charmed so no one could see his bags under his eyes.

Walking into the common room, giving Hermione and Ron a big smile asking if they should go down for breakfast. At the table everyone was chatting with someone except Harry. Looking at his plate, when the words 'if someone had known to ask' echoed in his head. Sometimes he wished someone would ask, really ask. Of cores they asked if something wrong, but that wasn't for real. If it would be then they wouldn't be pleased with the simple answer that he's fine. He wished someone would look through it, but no one did. They just asked out of politeness and not because they have any real concern for him, no one wants to listen to someone else's problems when they have their own to deal with.

During the potions class Harry wished he could have his mp3 played with him but he knew Snape would find it. Somehow the man just knew things before they happen. So Harry didn't dare try smuggling it in, it wasn't worth the risk of Snape taking it away. Sometimes Harry thought Snape could see all those dirty secrets Harry had, but at the end even Snape didn't notice. He didn't blame him because even his best friends didn't notice a thing how could someone who barely knew him.

Since Harry couldn't listen to the song he settled to just write down the lyrics that he knew by heart and repeat them in his head imagining the sound of guitar and drums. He wrote down the title, the band every word of the song and then going over them again making the title letters thick. When he was satisfied with it he looked it over and then crumpled up the paper and shoved it into his bag to dispose it late.

Severus was paying close attention on what everyone was doing. Even if it wasn't a practical lesson you never know when something can go wrong. He was extra suspicious of Potter, since he was writing the whole time. Well a lot of students were writing down what he was saying but Potter was never that interested in potions. Severus was sure Potter was passing notes with one of his friends, probably Weasley, but couldn't prove it until he caught them in the act.

Snape was walking between the tables explaining the use of unicorn hair, getting closer to Harry. It looked like Potter just finished writing, now Severus only needed to see how he passes it on. But it didn't happen, Harry just looked at the paper for a while. Snape stepped closer reading: 'Howards Tale Sick Pup…' when Harry crumpled up the paper and shoved it in his bag.

Severus normally in a situation like this would be angry with himself for not getting something on Potter, but this time he was getting a feeling that there is more behind this, but let it go as reading too much into it.

He noticed the same thing happening a few times in his classes. Harry would spend a long time writing something down, shaping the words to perfection and then at the end he would always crumple it up and shove it in his bag without showing it to anyone.

Harry had luck a few nights he could actually sleep but tonight unfortunately wasn't one of them. He was tossing and turning, he just couldn't get himself comfortable and the dark trying to swallow him didn't help either. Their room might be decorated with bright colors but that made the shadows that much darker and scarier in the night. Giving up he grabbed his invisibility cloak mp3 player and headed out for a walk. Harry didn't know how long he was walking and how many corridors he went through but he felt a bit tired but not sleepy. Wondering around aimlessly he ended up in the dungeons, surprisingly to him he didn't feel uncomfortable. Deciding to rest a bit he set down in a dark corner. Harry knew no one could see him but still he felt safe in the shadows of that particular corner hidden away from harm's way.

*when did I fall asleep? ….this isn't the stone floor* Harry was comfortably worm the bed was soft and everything was calming, until he realized that that meant that he wasn't in his bed and someone must have found him in the hall. Looking around he found his glasses mp3 player on the side table and his cloak dropped over an armchair. *If the person took care of my things so nicely the probably don't want to harm me and assuming by the stone walls and the feeling of this place I'm still in Hogwartes* Harry decided that it would be impolite to just leave without a 'thank you' so he stayed passing time with listening to the same song over and over again loosing himself in it.

Harry's eyes shot up when he heard someone clearing their throat, he never expected that one to be Snape. Standing tall in the middle of the door "What song got you so captivated that you listen to so frequently?" Harry thought about lying but knew he couldn't succeed against Snape, but then again he doubted Snape knew the song and he surely couldn't find out what the song is talking about just by the title so he told the truth "Howards Tale by Sick Puppies" shifting a bit uncomfortably only now noticing that that divine calming bed he was in, usually occupied Snappe. His brain at that moment decided to wonder if Snape sleeps naked, which made Harries cheeks tint pink. Snape thought that Harry was just embarrassed by the situation so he decided to give a dog a bone "You want to hurry or you'll miss breakfast". Harry thought he got off easy until he reached the door and heard Snapes deep voice say "Don't forget to show up next week for detention with me, you should not have been wondering the corridors and falling asleep in front of my door". Severus made a mental note about the song you never know when information can come in handy.

The next days passed without any occurrences but Harry knew he didn't have that much luck and this calm will soon be broken he just didn't know with what. Maybe nightmares of Voldemort, nightmares of the Dursleys, the deaths he witnessed who knew. Harry didn't have to wait long for it the next day he got cornered by Malfoy with his gorillas on his side. Harry didn't notice until then but Crab and Goyle now fully grown looked exactly like his attackers back when he was little. He knew he got punched by someone in the face and someone did the same to his stomach but he was too far gone in his memories to properly register the pain.

There he was 5years old sitting on the sidewalk late at night, the Dursleys locked him out. A car pulls up 3 guys sitting in it, 2 of them looked like Crab and Goyl look now, promising him a fun game and sweets, and they got him in the car. He is sitting on a bed in a dark room when the shadows come to life.

Snape rounded the corner when he saw Malfoy and his two peasants. He has seen many fights between the Golden Boy and his Slitherins but he has never seen a scene like this and he never thought a day would come when he would openly take Potters side. Crab and Goyle just started to punch Harry who usually fights back, but now he is only staring blankly forward fear evident on his face, but not fear of the beating it's something far worse. Snape stepped in, first time in his life yelling like a wild animal at his Slitherins and then order them out of his sight with a moths worth of detention. Turning back to Harry the boy was sitting pressed into a corner rocking back and forth whispering to himself "Hey, look what you did to me When you were taking me home Getting me stoned Leave me alone I waited for mom to comfort me But when I opened my mouth Don't say nothing, shhh"

Harry jerked back to life when Snape put a hand on his shoulder concern evident in his eyes "what wrong Harry" in that moment Harry panicked jumped up babbled something in the sense "Bad memories of dreams happening Voldemort" and ran for his dear life.

Snape knew something was off with Harry before and that what happened right now just confirmed it. Voldemort may still hunt Harry but Voldemort never drugged people.

The weekend passed and Severus did a little research on the song Harry so likes. Snape went to an internet-cafe and looked it up what he found shocked him to the core. Hoping that Harry only liked the song because of the music and not because he can relate to it, but Severus knew what the right answer was, even if he hoped different.

Harry was having the worst nightmares in years. He didn't want to fall asleep but he exhausted himself with crying and then they were back with their sickening sweet smiles that no one prepared him for, deluding him, tempting saying everything he wanted someone to say and he fell for it. Just as the first blood drop hits the floor Harry jerks up awake sweating crying crushing feeling in his lungs. Every shadow in the room was coming to life, to hurt him. He ran as fast as he could out of the tower and down to the dungeon into the dark corner that would hide him from the world, like he did the previous few nights.

Surprisingly no nightmares hunted him but he awoke into one. He was once again in Snapes bed and that's the last thing he wanted. He didn't have the courage to face the man that looked with such concerned at him when he had his little brake in front of him. So Harry did the only think that he thought of….he fled.

Snape didn't like how Harry avoided him. Harry needed to talk to someone but since no one seems to notice that the Golden boy was being eaten alive by his demons he wanted to confront him, what is a bit difficult to do when he keeps running away, but now Severus knew where to wait for him.

Harry was on his bed knees hugged to his chest shaking all over. Now he didn't even have to fall asleep to see their faces. He remembered and remembered over and over and over again they didn't want to leave him alone. When he was 5 he at least knew they couldn't get past the door and if they did they would never fined him under the stairs. But now, now they're in his room waiting for him playing with him teasing him making him cry. They were getting bigger and bigger, Harry couldn't handle it anymore so he ran to his corner but the monsters followed him they never followed him this far. Harry ran as fast as he could legs pounding hard against the floor his vision blurred because of tears and they were still on his hills. He just wanted all this to be over with *I should just give up* Harry started to slow down the creatures gaining on him what he didn't accomplish to see was the figure in front of him so he ran straight into it. He was so shocked he didn't know they got in front of him. Arms wrapped around him and pulled him closer, but it wasn't cold like it was the last time it was a worm hug where he felt safe. Looking up he saw he was in the arms of his Professor, he panicked he didn't want anyone to get hurt because of him "Sir their here they'll hurt you" "shhh Harry it's ok no one will hurt you"

Harry was confused didn't the man see the creatures hunting him running after him and sure they are surrounding them by now. Harry fearfully looked around but saw nothing. "Where are they, they're hiding they'll attack from behind save yourself it's me they want"

"Harry I'm not leaving you here fighting something that's in your head, and if you're so afraid for me did your forget to who your speaking to, the big bad evil potion professor, the one that can make any snotty brat or adult run crying to their mommy"

In the middle of that speech Harry did realize something Professor Snape was the one that calmed him not the dark corner, it was the sheer presence thru the door that led to him, that let Harry sleep without nightmares. The man could scare away any nightmare but be so gentle while comforting him. With the lest thought Harry pressed himself a bit closer burring his face in the man's chest.

Severus led him to his bed that usually calmed him but the boy just didn't let go of him, clinging like he's life depended on it. Harry couldn't care less how embarrassed he'll be tomorrow as long as he can be safe this night with his life line in reaching distance. Somehow he knew Severus would be the one saving him, it's always Severus. He wants it to be Severus. *Only Severus, my Severus* and peaceful slumber took over both of them.


End file.
